At 11 I was institutionalized at U.C.L.A.'s neuropsychiatric institute for self inflicting wounds and feeble attempts at suicide.  In my early teens I ran with a click from one of the largest street gangs in America.  In my late teens and into my mid 20's I was hooked on drugs, living in a garage, couch surfing and trying to kill myself through my lifestyle.

 

I got clean on December 26th 2000.  I met my ex wife and daughter in October of 2001, Delaiah was 18 months old at that time and has never known her biological father.  I became a licensed contractor in December of 2004, married on September 8th 2007 and split up to divorce 7 days after our 5th wedding anniversary.  For the last 10 years I have been through the gambit, life ranged from me being completely insane to living a life of happiness beyond comprehension.  

 

​I'm 47 now and I feel as if I have completed my life, like there is nothing left.  Chasing money no longer satisfies me, it hasn’t for many years, dating is, well, dating is dating and my daughter is now 21 and primarily self-sufficient, except for the little money I send her to help with rent in LA.  So where do I go from here?  The days either blend into one another monotonously or I pack them so tight so I don't have time to think.  I've always had a wanderlust in my soul, it’s been with me ever since I can remember.  Hiking as a kid I never wanted to stop, in my 20's tripping around the Western U.S. in a hobo mobile, to taking solo trips throughout my marriage.  It's always defined me, it has always been my happiness.

 

So I built a van and planned on leaving in April of 2020, then Covid hit and everybody knows what happened after that. Now with the pandemic hopefully behind us I’ve put my life in storage and I’m walking away from the security of my existence, living off my savings and seeing what God has in store for me.  The following blog is an account of my build and life leading up to this trip. How I am constantly riding a roll-a-coaster of emotions, how Buddhism saves me daily, how I don't get loaded no matter fucking what. How the loneliness of my life eats away at me, how desire and attachment create all the suffering in my life, how ego is trying to kill me and how I am still able to wake up every morning and stay grateful and happy and in love with it all.

 

I hope you follow along, maybe it’ll be interesting, maybe you’ll block me, who knows. Either way I wish you the best and appreciate you taking the time to read this.